How I got here
Why 'The Muse Master' and why Now?
You can listen to the Audio version of this newsletter below:
Dear Fellow Writer,
I want to start by sharing my big, bold vision for The Muse Master. Although my hands slightly shake as I write this, and a voice inside my head tells me, “This is a bad idea, " I am going with my gut on this.
Here it is:
I envision groups of people assembled in cafes, local bookstores, churches, school buildings, offices, homes, and Zoom rooms around the world in what (in my mind) I call “The Muse Master Chapters.” These groups work together for a common goal: to regulate their nervous systems so they can uncover their untold stories and tell them with pride.
They do this together, co-regulating themselves and each other, representing one safe and social nervous system. Their Muse starts to rise as they move into a state of Flow, and then... magic! Stories, words, and sentences jump off the page, transcending time and space and uniting us all!
Maybe (hopefully) you see yourself in this dream or perhaps you’re thinking “What the heck is she smoking and what do these words mean; regulate? co-regulate? flow?” or maybe you’re like “What the hell does the nervous system have to do with writing?”
Your doubts and questions are all valid and I hope that what I share below answers some of them.
So, how did a blocked Writer end up teaching Nervous System Mastery to Writers?
“I am stuck”, “I feel frozen”, “I am in a deep, dark cave with no way out”. For 3 years I wrote these words regularly in my journal.
I’d lost all my chutzpah to work on my multi-six-figure business. After severe burnout and back-to-back events that triggered old trauma, I took a sabbatical.
I decided to focus on my mental and physical well-being. I meditated for hours every day, attended meditation retreats, went to therapy, and paid countless Psychics, Mediums, Energy healers, Tarot Card readers, and so on.
In the words of Taylor Swift from my favorite, TTPD, I was “spending my last coin so someone will tell me it'll be ok”
It’s not that I wasn’t trying hard enough. I had training in Somatic Healing Modalities and read numerous self-help books on Spirituality, Forgiveness, etc. I even upgraded my knowledge by taking courses on topics such as neuroscience, metaphysics, energy work, and trauma healing.
It’s not that I didn’t have the tools either. I’d read the benefits of cold showers, weight lifting, and breathwork and did them regularly.
I had shut myself down from most of my social network and spent a lot of time alone at home, meditating or journaling on my blue chair. This blue chair.
Weeks would go by and sometimes, I’d have an exciting idea about my business. But very quickly the excitement would seep out of me and I’d return to my chair like a deflated party balloon.
Don’t get me wrong. Life was not all despair. I had a roof over my head, food to eat, and clothes to wear. I had a loving family, and I did not have to worry about where my next meal came from. Even though, from the inside, it felt like I was dying, I had the privilege that so many people don’t have.
After yet another year of health troubles, deflated morale, and the “stuckness” that had become part of my life, I had an insight in the middle of December. A small, true voice inside me asked me to let go of everything else, including my Business, and focus solely on my one true love - writing.
As a Writer, I’d learned to process all my feelings through my writing practice. I had been trained to go to the page whether I was feeling sad, hurt, or angry. I had been taught that the “page holds everything” (I will share in the future why this is a bad idea and not a healthy practice). This surely generated a lot of writing, and some of it was pretty good, but I started to wonder “What if I am not able to write when I feel good and happy?”
I worried that I needed to be a little sad and depressed all the time to produce good writing. I could either be healed or become a writer. Both obviously could not co-exist for me.
That was a scary thought.
The season changed from Winter to Spring. Outside, tiny little flower buds were starting to erupt. Inside, I was in complete shutdown mode due to an event that had triggered old trauma.
My nervous system was in a preservation state called “Freeze”, having “detected” a threat to my survival. This was not a “life or death” situation, but to my nervous system, it was similar to being attacked by a tiger.
This was also the same time I was beginning to edit my writing work to finish the first draft of my Memoir. Re-reading some of my memories further dysregulated my nervous system, having “re-lived” some difficult events from the past.
I found that now I was neither able to write nor edit any previous work I had written. This was bad news for someone who was working on a Memoir. Quite literally, I was frozen.
Most days, I sat on my blue chair, hoping to meditate my way out of this awful feeling of numbness and disassociation that had become my new norm. But no amount of meditation, willpower, or reading motivating books helped me.
I had hit a wall.
(Before you read any further, know that when you read about someone's struggles, it can stir up strong emotions, especially if you've faced similar challenges. My story may resonate deeply with you but may also open some deep wounds or bring out insecurities. If you sense uncomfortable emotions, have empathy for yourself. Take some deep breaths or even take a break from reading. I have overcome these challenges, and yet writing it brought out some old emotions. I had to step away for a few hours before coming back to it in a state of safety.)
I shared my despair with another writer who asked me, “Deepshikha, have you heard of Polyvagal Theory?”
“Poly-what?” I replied
She asked me to look it up and specifically check out the work of a singer-songwriter named Ruby Rose Fox at Muscle Music.
You know how they say, when the student is ready, the master appears? Ruby had gone through something similar to me and had discovered the work of Dr. Stephen Porges and Deb Dana related to Polyvagal Theory - The Science of Safety (more on this in the coming weeks).
But Ruby took it a step further. She had brought the work of Nervous System Safety to the Arts and created the Fox Method that she teaches at Muscle Music to her voice and acting students. I am not a singer, nor an actor but her words spoke to me like nothing else had.
Within a week, I applied to become certified in Trauma-Informed Nervous System and The Arts Certification that included not only the Polyvagal Theory but also the science of Dopamine and how to go into states of Flow rooted in safety.
To say that the next few months would be life-changing would be an understatement!
I felt like someone had finally given me a map to get out of my frozen state (aka the cave/void) and a key to unlock a state of safety within my body. This was the missing link between my education and training in Somatic modalities and my Spiritual journey!!
I was so excited. I finally found the language to explain what had happened to me all these years and how I could slowly but safely shift back to safety in my body.
It took me months to complete my training and to embody the work, but I could see the effects already. I could write again, and I could edit my work without getting triggered. I will share in the coming weeks some of the profound effects of this work, but to give you a quick summary, this is what I learned:
I learned that it wasn't my fault. I no longer saw the Fight/Flight or Freeze shutdown response as something bad or something being wrong with me. I saw the beauty of my mind and body doing its best to protect me. This understanding itself has redefined trauma for me and helped me have compassion for all parts of me, leading to a lot of healing.
I understood the triggers that pushed me down the Polyvagal ladder (states of survival such as Fight/Flight or Freeze) and protocols that helped me go up into a safe and social state and even Flow.
I saw that I had all the right tools (meditation, yoga, journaling, breathwork, cold showers), but I wasn’t using the right tools for the right stage. For example, cold showers in a Freeze State. When in Freeze, I didn’t need to get “colder” I needed gentle thawing.
I also understood the effects of excessive Dopamine (social media dependency) on my creativity levels and overall well-being.
I learned that my practice of going to my blue chair was not helping and that I needed co-regulation (regulating our nervous system with other humans). This helped me create a community of local writers and enriched my relationships with friends, my husband, and even my kids.
Finally, I saw how shifting my Nervous System to safety helped me go into a Flow State, that beautiful state when your Muse flows and time and space cease to exist. Turns out I could write while being calm, connected, present, and happy.
This work led me to consider a question a few writers had posed a few months ago at a Writer’s Group.
“How do we become embodied writers?”
As Writers, we often expose our Nervous Systems on the page, revealing our vulnerable truths, childhood trauma, and, in many cases, the names of people and events that caused our bodies to dysregulate, further causing even more dysregulation.
Even when we are not writing about our lives or writing fiction, just the act of putting pen to paper or daring to dream about our work getting published (aka seen by other humans) comes with fear and anxiety. What often follows is unfinished first drafts, procrastination, writer’s block, and a dream that slowly vanishes into thin air like dandelion seeds.
Ninety-seven percent of people who start to write a book never finish it. That’s 30 people out of 1000. There are many reasons why people don’t finish writing a book; Time, Resources, life’s challenges, and many others. One reason that gets masked by words like “Procrastination, Writer’s block, Resistance, and sometimes even Time” is Nervous System Dysregulation.
So in other words, when writers ask “How do we become embodied writers?”, what they are saying is, “How do we write from a safe and social state?” “How do we feel safe in our bodies so we can do these big things we dream about”, “How do we reach that mysterious, evasive, and slippery state of “Flow” more often?” and most importantly, “How do we achieve longevity as Writers without getting shut down by every chapter, every scene or a book release?”
It is clear to me that Nervous System Education & Mastery need to be a priority for Writers. No amount of craft tools, relaxation, and writing tools can compensate for the lack of Nervous System know-how.
I believe that everyone, given the right tool for their nervous system stage, can write a good story. In other words, everyone is a writer.
That led me to create The Muse Master.
The more I embody this work, the more I see the glaring gap that exists in the Writing World. We have a gazillion writing courses that focus on craft tools, scene creation, editing your work, and, of course, selling your work. But there’s hardly anything that helps writers root themselves in safety so they can write their best work but also continue to write.
Writing is a deeply embodied experience, yet we forget about the body when we write. Words may be formed in your mind, but stories live in the body.
As I began to regulate myself, I started asking the question, “Can we tap into higher realms of potentiality & creativity if we learn to master our Nervous System?”
The more I learned, I discovered that YES, WE CAN! The influence of the autonomic nervous system on human behavior & potential tells us so. To master our Muse, we must learn to master our Nervous System first.
The Muse Master is the culmination of my understanding of Polyvagal Theory, Dopamine Theory, and the Fox Method (studied under Ruby at Muscle Music), as well as 18 years of coaching and facilitation experience. This work also draws upon my training in somatic healing, meditation, the art of ceremony, and as a Divine Feminine Priestess, along with my lived experience.
The goal of The Muse Master is simple: to regulate our nervous system so we can uncover our untold stories and tell them with pride.
To know more about The Muse Master and what you can expect from this Publication, read our About Page.
This work is not just about teaching Writers Polyvagal Theory or Dopamine Theory — it’s an invitation to get to know your Muse intimately and awaken your creative expression. I hope you’ll join me.
If you read (or listened) until here, thank you! I know this was a lot, but it was essential. See you next week with our first “official” Muse Master newsletter.
Much Love,
Deepshikha