How Your Nervous System Shapes Your Writing—and What to Do About It
Let’s Talk About Your Secret Service Agents
Last week, I received a question from a Writer.
“I find this fascinating and wish I had known more about how my nervous system responded to my writing. I just finished my book (it’s out on submission). My question (and I think I know the answer) is, will I still benefit from regulating my nervous system if the writing is done?”
This is such a great question, and I want to respond here as well so everyone can learn from it.
First, I think our world is in such a dysregulated, chaotic place right now that, irrespective of what you do, anyone can benefit from nervous system know-how.
Second, the short answer is yes, yes, and a million times yes!! Yes, it’s great to be embodied in a safe and social state and not go into fight/flight or freeze every time we edit our work, revisit the stories we have written, and write about topics that are based on our lives. But, we also want to show up in our full power in other areas of our career. The work of a Writer isn’t done once the manuscript is finished. It’s just begun.
As a Writer, you want to feel empowered to show up as your best self when you connect with readers, build your platform, sell your book, do readings, or do public speaking. Learning how to regulate when public speaking feels dysregulating or reading a not-so-kind review that leaves you feeling triggered is a skill that’ll help you become an Embodied Writer.
We also want better mental health and to spring back from setbacks, failures, and rejections. If the creative world offers one guarantee, it is that we will face rejections. We want to build nervous system resilience and flexibility. We want to dare to dysregulate and dare to regulate. So yes, the nervous system know-how goes beyond being able to channel our muse into beautiful writing. And once we become proficient in this work, it seeps into all areas of our lives.
I wish I had known this in my teens. However, Polyvagal Theory was only published in 2011, you and I are one of the first and the very few to adapt it into our creative practice. How exciting is that!
Last Week, in Vol.II, we discussed the Evolution of our Nervous System and understood the first principle of Polyvagal Theory, i,e, the Hierarchical Nature of the Nervous System.
This week, we will understand the 2nd Principle on which Polyvagal Theory is based in ‘What The Nerv’ Segment.
As always, this newsletter will be divided into three segments. You can jump around or return to any segment whenever you need to.
What the Nerv
The second principle of Polyvagal Theory is a fancy new term, Neuroception, created by Dr. Stephen Porges.
This has been described as the inner, subconscious surveillance system that scans our environment for cues of safety, danger, or life threats and automatically shifts our nervous system state along the autonomic hierarchy to optimize survival.
Neuroception is made out of two words: Neuro (Nervous System) and Ception (Awareness). Deb Dana refers to it as the Nervous System’s intuition.
I refer to it as our very own team of Secret Service Agents. Let’s understand this further with a few examples.
A few months ago, my sister sent me a photograph on WhatsApp with the text “My poor baby.” There was no other explanation.
My nephew lay on a hospital bed with tubes coming out of everywhere. He had an oxygen mask on his face, and he looked very, very wrong. My first thought was that he had been in an accident. I know he rode his bike to his jujitsu class and didn’t always wear a helmet, despite my sister’s constant pleas. He is 17 years old, so there’s that.
My blood froze. My heart clenched, and a sob escaped my throat. My hands shook as I struggled to make a call to my sister, expecting the worst.
This is Neuroception at work. It gathers information through three pathways, within our bodies (heartbeat, breath rhythms, and muscle action) in the physical environment around us (locally or globally), and in our connection to others.
Our Neuroception is always listening and scanning to look for cues of danger or safety. This “scanning” happens in microseconds, well outside of our awareness.
You might have experienced it a million times. Consider this example,
You sent an email to your writer buddy with the first chapter of your book. The subject said, “Let me know what you think. I am open to feedback.” You hit send, and then you wait. 30 mins go by, and then two hrs. 5 hrs. You have refreshed your email 500 times by now, but nothing. You wait, you take a bath, you go for lunch. You pick up your kids from school. It’s 10 pm now, and you still haven’t heard from her. You get into bed with your mind racing and your inner critic whispering in your ear, “Maybe she hated it and doesn’t know what to say. You shouldn’t have sent it, it’s not even that good.”
You drift into an uneasy sleep. You haven’t heard from your friend by the next morning as well. Three days go by. Now, you are on high alert. You look for her everywhere you go. You think you see her at the grocery store and instead of walking to her, you duck behind the apples because now your mind has made a story:
She read it. She found it terrible. She must be avoided.
This is also Neuroception at work.
There are 3 things we need to understand about Neuroception.
It’s always at work, from micro-moment to micro-moment. You can’t shut it off because it happens outside of your awareness.
Because it happens outside of your awareness, the nervous system state it chooses is NOT your fault. Its only job is to optimize Survival.
Neuroception largely works by scanning our environment (inner or outer) and looking for matches from our past experiences. Once our brain receives the information, it creates a story. This story is largely based on the data that’s already stored in our brains (memories, past events, etc.). Because of this, Neuroception is not always accurate.
This is why thinking of Neuroception as our team of Secret Service Agents is useful. Before we enter any situation, they do a sweep and look for threats. Now bear in mind our team of secret service agents only wants to keep us safe. So it might trigger a fight or flight when you hear a loud bang in the middle of the night or take you on an anxiety spiral when your agent sends you a text, “We need to talk”
And because it can only access our past experiences, sometimes it over-analyzes the threat. The loud bang might just be your 8-year-old slamming the toilet seat (real story!), or it might be your agent telling you about a literary press showing interest in your manuscript.
Btw that situation with your writer buddy? Turns out, her dad had a stroke, so she had to travel to Minneapolis to take care of him. She’s so sorry that she hasn’t got back to you, but she did read the first three pages on the plane and was gripped by your beginning. She cannot wait to finish it and send you detailed feedback.
Why does Neuroception matter?
We need to understand that when we dysregulate to survival states (and we will dysregulate), it was and never will be our fault. Safety is Neuroception’s top priority.
This understanding itself was life-changing for me. This meant that it wasn’t my fault I froze during a traumatic event in my childhood and disassociated causing memory gaps. It also meant that when I revisited that memory in my writing, I dysregulated again and could not write/edit for a few weeks.
But does it mean that I never, ever have to write about that memory again? I mean I can if I choose not to. But imagine not going to your favorite cafe just because your Secret Service Agent spotted an ex there with his new girlfriend and without you even “knowing”, you made an about-turn and spent the next three days on the couch eating ice cream and watching sappy movies.
Deb Dana writes, “When we bring perception(awareness) to neuroception, we invite the body and brain to work together. We become more than simply story listeners. We come story editors and story writers.”
Remember that dysregulation is not something you can avoid and we mustn’t. We must strive for nervous system resiliency and not rigidity. We must dare to dysregulate and use the shifting tools to regulate.
The goal is not to never go to fight or flight or freeze. The goal is to become aware of our Nervous System states and then use the tools we have to regulate into safety.
People who go up and down the Polyvagal Ladder without staying fixed in any one of the states are more resilient. They develop a buffer that helps cushion the impact of future triggering or dysregulating events.
This is great news for writers coz we need to be resilient with our work. Not everyone will like our writing, and we will face rejection. Having flexibility in our nervous system makes us resilient and gives us longevity as writers.
Expecting Nervous System rigidity is the equivalent of Spiritual Bypassing or what I call aiming for “Nervous System Enlightenment.” Sounds sexy but it’s not a realistic goal.
After calling my sister that evening, I found out that my nephew had a very high fever and had been admitted to the hospital. He was sick but not in an accident. Thank God! My nerves relaxed, my breathing came back to normal, and my heart stopped threatening to leave my chest and land on the floor. I was able to not only come back into regulation but also give my sister support with Co-Regulation (the third principle of Polyvagal Theory, which we’ll talk about next week.)
Now, let’s put the principle of Neuroception into practice in our segment “Love Your Nerv”
Love Your Nerv
Because our Neuroception is always asking the question, “Is she safe?” we can feel alarmed and hyper-vigilant when there is no actual safety risk, or vice versa. We can remain unaware when there is a risk to our safety. This next exercise brings self-awareness and empowered decision-making so we can self-regulate.
Exercise: The Huddle
A huddle with your Secret Service Team so you can bring awareness to the current situation.
Step 1 - Take a moment to pause and disconnect from any distractions. You can close your eyes or have a soft gaze towards the tip of your nose.
Step 2 - Bring your attention to your body. Notice any sensations without judging them. Now notice, if you feel any discomfort in your body. Acknowledge it without labeling it as good or bad.
Step 3 - Bring your awareness to your immediate environment. Notice the sounds you hear and how they make you feel; distressed, soothing, distracted, etc.
Step 4 - Bring your attention towards the people around you (you can open your eyes). They could be your family members or strangers in a cafe. What cues of safety or danger do you get from their facial expressions, tone of voice, hand gestures, and their eyes?
Step 5 - Now notice how all of this makes you feel right now. Do you feel calm and connected, or slightly anxious or disconnected? Just notice without labeling any of this good or bad.
Step 6 - If you feel calm and connected (safe and social), this is the perfect time to move to the next segment. If you do feel anxious or activated, can you make a change to your current state? For example, I did this exercise right before writing this newsletter and noticed that somewhere in my immediate environment (at a cafe), a loud ping was going off. That was a cue of danger for me. While I could not switch off this noise, I could wear my noise-cancellation earplugs.
If you decide to make a change, consider appropriate actions or strategies to shift your emotional state in a positive direction such as deep breathing or movement.
You could also accept your current emotional state and allow yourself to experience it without resistance. Crying or screaming into the pillow are my fav ways to allow my emotions.
Regulate & Create
I hope after learning about Neuroception, one thing is clear: IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT.
Our Nervous Systems were created in service of survival. With today’s Writing Prompt, let’s send some love to those parts of ourselves that’s been hard at work to keep us safe.
You can skip the writing prompt or come back to it later. (Don’t forget to bookmark this email).
If you are ready to get into some juicy writing, set yourself first:
Put your feet on the ground and breathe into them for a few minutes
Take 3 deep inhales and exhale
Smile
Now set a timer for 10 mins and start moving your pen. Don’t judge, don’t edit, don’t stop. Just write.
Write a few words of appreciation for the protection offered by your Flight/Fight State or Preserve and Shutdown State.
You may start with “Dear Fight/Flight or Preserve/Shutdown State, I am so thankful to you for………..”
What a phenomenal job today! Remember you can come back to this Volume and the exercises here anytime you want. Make sure to bookmark it so you can find it easily. Any questions, or feedback, leave them in the comments below or hit reply to this email.
Until next time,
❤️
Deepshikha